Frustration
For the most part, things in D.C. have been going really well. I’m enjoying the law and all of its absurd exceptions, my roommate has furnished a beautiful and sophisticated bachelorette pad for us, I’ve somehow found a group of incredible guys to laugh and commiserate with over beers after class, and this city takes my breath away.
But every now and then I have a twinge of dissatisfaction - nothing that can’t be fixed, just the inevitable stresses of moving and starting a new life. I have no money, and this is particularly terrifying because in a week I will be another $62,000 in debt. My room is nearly bare, save a free futon I lucked upon, a couple lamps, a suitcase full of clothes I have no drawers to store, and a half-finished desk that Andrew couldn’t complete last night because Ikea put the wrong parts in the freaking box. I have been essentially living in the living room, sleeping on the super nice futon that Caitlin supplied, and I think it’s starting to take its toll on my sanity. I need a real bed, but I am too scared to spend the $650 I should for a decent mattress and delivery, and I won’t settle for a crappy one or one from Craigs list that would require I solicit someone (again) to help me go pick it up and lug it through the building into my room. It’s too much. I just want to come home tomorrow and find a bed sitting in my room, with my gorgeous 400-thread-count polished cotton green sheets and silver satin comforter on it, crisp and cold and ready to be snuggled into. My desk would be assembled, my underwear would have a home, and the walls would be covered in the awesome vine decals I bought but can’t put on yet cause I don’t know where anything is gonna go.
Also, I miss conversation… and comfort. Here there is no shortage of talking - intellectual debate, stupid humor, witty flirtation, “What’s your story?” and “Here’s mine.” But I long to unravel in front of someone like you used to let me, not worrying if he cares what the hell my defects are, just resting in the fact that he will listen - really listen - and hold me til I get antsy and dont need it anymore.
This weekend Jess and Meg are coming to visit, so I’m hoping to get some things taken care of by then. I can’t wait to show them my new life and hear about theirs, explore D.C. and revel in our youth for a day haha. For now I must sleep. Things will look better in the morning sun.
